Like Walking on Water

The Christmas season arrived for me on December 24th. Although this does fit with a procrastinating lifestyle that I lead, it was not intended to be such. I normally engage in my wrestling match to throw off the holiday commercial and traditional constructs and agonize over meaning and relevance for celebrating. This year there was no wrestling match. This year I didn't fight for meaning and take on the establishment. This year it was about returning to peace. And it was not as easy as it would seem to be.

I had had peace recently. What do I mean by this? I was centered, focused. I was connected and understood my role in the partnership and relationship with my Lord. I had been in an eye of a whirlwind of drama and potential catastrophe. All around me there was strife and unrest. I was at a place where there should be ferocious fear and no end to it while the storm raged, and hopelessness of the aftermath of picking up the pieces of its destruction. And yet I was unaffected somehow, immune to its power? I can give no reason for it, other than I had resolved to believe in the God who asked me to walk onward with Him.

Within a very short time after the storm had passed, another weather system came through. 10 mph of winds and a steady rain began to steadily fall. In hindsight all I can surmise is that I had switched my mindset to go it alone. After all it was hardly a storm. Lack of sleep, a subtle disconnection and a peculiar avoidance to interchange with my God, and a busy wacky weather work week made for a destructive combination that left me weak, sour, and bathing in a mud puddle of self pity.

Left to myself I had no energy, I offended and hurt those close to me, and I was soaking wet with filthy lies and the smelly odor of selfish centeredness.

I had a conversation with my daughter. It was one of those conversations I've had before. This time, however, I was on the other side. It was her with the perspective and the amazing story of giving herself over to faith in her heavenly Father. It was her with experience of peace in the middle of what should have been a miserable frenzy. Instead of strife, there was beautiful provision of all that was needed and an abundance of glorious peace as God's love became apparent in uncanny predicaments that should not have happened, but did. A sense of awe gave way to humility as she realized once again that she was being taken care of down to the finest details.

So powerful was her experience that she has made the choice for faith. She sees its worth, its relevance.

I have made the same choice. I have decided to live there, to make it my home. The afternoon of December 24th faith escorted me to the peace that had found me weeks earlier. The result was joy in the middle of a huge potential disappointment, an enjoyable conversation and interaction with my children, and a deep and meaningful connection with my family, whose company I thoroughly enjoyed.

Instead of wrestling, fighting for ideals and meaning, I have chosen faith. There I found meaning in what mattered. Through faith I have been able to embrace relationships without fear or hopeless expectations.

Thank You, Father for Your revelation of faith. Thank You that it is relevant, meaningful in all that I do. It is a faith that acknowledges Your character, Your capabilities, who you are, and who you are to me, to us. You are always welcome in my life. I want You with me. I want what You have for me. You have become so necessary for me, so vital. You are strength to my frail soul and life to this body and mind ravaged by fear. Today I choose you, Your way. Today I choose faith.