A View from the Desktop

Where have I been, readers may ask. My last entry was...months, almost years ago.

Indeed, where have I been? I wish that was a simple answer to share. But the truth is not as simple. It is better than an excuse, however, and it is a wonderful story.

I have been living out my writing and ideals in reality. I have not lived vicariously through my thoughts and then put them onto paper or blogs with mere aspirations and what ifs. I have been living out my life with intention and purpose. This way of living does not allow for idealism that can easily inhabit writing as the thoughts of inspiration strike. Living out what passions and purpose that are noble require relationships with people that matter to me and more importantly, matter to You, Father. That would probably include everybody, but You know my limitations and are very strategic about who You bring across my path. And it’s never really up to me. But therein lies the adventure.

Writing is very enjoyable. There is a pensive consideration as I choose my words. I can pause and assess and rethink and back up and go at it again; all to be sure to accurately express what I mean. More importantly, I want the choice of words and phrases to communicate the experience and perspective of the thought. I also abhor the tone of pride. No one wants to listen to a know it all. Certainly, I don’t. This may sound like a lot of work, and it may be. But it is incredibly therapeutic and fulfilling.

Living, however, is not as tidy. Life is messy. Relationships are no exception. The big relief to the messiness is that You don’t stress out over it all. I figure if God doesn't, I probably don’t need to either. And besides, the crisis that brought the shock and drama was not a shock to You. You were already there. I only need to know my role to play in the crisis and be open to the One who knows what to do.

This is another one of those moments that has me scratching my head and mumbling to myself. I wonder if I’m over-simplifying this stuff again. Shouldn't my approach to crisis be more spiritual sounding. Shouldn't there be hours of prayer and scripture study? Shouldn’t I seek the counsel of some elders or pastors? How do I know I’m hearing from God on this?

I’ll just say this: I have indeed thought all of those same thoughts many times, and will always come full circle to finding peace in the middle of whatever I am experiencing, because You reassure me that You are not surprised by what I am facing. You ask that I trust You. And so...I do. Anymore, I simply cut to the chase and choose to trust rather than second guess myself and second guess You, Father. Life then becomes simpler. All the fuss gets me to the same place, but just a lot slower and with an abundance of wasted energy.

So the results of my “living method” have done what? Has it made life easier? Not really. I got a lot going on. Sometimes more than I’d like. Life is busy and crazy as ever. The only real difference perhaps then is my perspective. I don’t see things the same way. And maybe...perhaps...for the first time in my life I see things more true; more true as they are. Perspective is not of my own and not gained on my own. It is in the living with You, in relationship, that You get to show and teach and heal. I get to see and learn and live as I was meant to live: free from the prison of fear, free to walk free from its restraints and into the purpose I have been created for all along. How beautiful is that? I couldn’t write a better story.

Thank you, Father for the life you have restored to me. Thank you for new beginnings and hope for the future. Thank you that I am doused with Your amazing grace that heals and Your awesome love that restores. Living is different now because of who You are. And because of who You are, I can be who I am: Your son, made for enjoying this life walk with You, about your business of loving people and impacting lives one moment at a time. Who would have ever thought of such a miracle?

I’m thinking of the scene in “Dead Poets Society” when Mr Keating’s instructs his students to step up onto his desk. “You see, the world looks very different from up here...you don’t believe me? Come see for yourselves,...come on.”

I would say the same to all that know me. Come experience this perspective. It beats religion. And it’s the adventure of a lifetime.